Haix. Stupid wireless. Canot access again!!! Damn pissed off la. Haix. Today was such a bad day for me.. I just realized how weak I was.. and like.. no matter how much effort I put in, I will never be able to do well.. this girl who got “discovered” during sports day heats, that she could throw javelin quite well, came today.. then cuz I got blood illness, then today got new coach, so its really proper trng.. then felt quite tired out.. and that girl felt that it was quit nothing.. and my fren.. I think she tinks so too. Am I weak or wad??

Then I also realised that there are now 4 girls in javelin.. and only 3 can go nats. Wah lao. Cmon can. Definitely wun pick me de. Im so not good at it at no matter how hard I try.. last time the more heartwarming track team will encourage me, an tell mi tt as long as I work hard, I will be able to do it.. and I naively believed them.. but at least I still have their support.. but now? I realized that cannot make it means cannot make it.. no matter how hard u try.. its no use. So I have decided, rather then wait for them to tell me the resuls, I will tell the tt I dowan to go.. cuz its really for the school also.. I dun wan them to waste their time thinking of wad to sae to me.. to comfort me or mb they wun even do that.

Plus plus plus. They always think I pon trng. Sometimes, my parents dun allow me to go cuz they are afraid that I cannot handle it. Then I cant tell em, no! I wan to go, I dun care. Im not lidat k. I noe that there are some things I can do and what I cant. Im really not like them. I thought that accepting my illness was all I needed to do. And now, I realize that I have to let ppl arnd me accept it and face up to the reality of it. Haix. I guess its like impossible=/

Do I really noe nothing except to memorize books and be like a bookworm?! Cant do sports, cant do anything. Wad else is there for me to do? I feel so shi bai. Is there really nothing else for me to do?!?! And I hate studying! Why cant I be good in smth t I like? Why is life so cruel to me?

I guess I cant really do anything abt it. Everything’s fated..