this week must be my bad kharma week la.

on thursday, i sang to the class for the first time and i was like, super scared. my heart was beating super fast and i just culdn calm myself down. din noe wat i was doing la. and i even stopped my song halfway. %$&^% then i managed to continue and poeple said it was quite nice. whew.

and i got judged at and condemmed TWICE. *&%^$ WAD THE. once again, i say. DO NOT JUDGE ME IF YOU DO NOT KNOW ME WELL ENOUGH.

b4 i say anything else, i just wana say that people around me, and who are my friends, will have hear me say thins b4. and i say it again.

Boy A is good looking. full stop. nothing else. oh. personality sucks. but really good looking. Boy B is good at music, thinking, sports, etc etc. Not bad looking. one day, both gets disfigured. i will continue to notice BoyB, cuz there's more to him than looks.as for Boy A, in the first place, if he's only good looking, than i can only LOOK right. its not called like. cuz if he gets disfigured i'l most prob not look.so wat if i only look? dun tell me there's this law that says GIRLS CANNOT LOOK AT CUTE GUYS. there's other people out there who has good looks. and PEOPLE WHO KNOW ME will noe tt im rather random and if i just see a good looking person, regardless of guy or girl, i will sae "hey tt girl is pretty/that guy is good looking"

note i oso say that girls are pretty. is there anythign wrong with appreciating people's looks? at least im not one who says "WAH LAO, THAT GIRL/GUY SO UGLY" isn this more SUPERFICIAL. i so wish you can see this. but apparently not poss.

once again, i will say, do not judge me. and it is terribly hurting to hear people judgin you. its THRICE in a row. and the last straw was saying it right in front of me. right in my face. i was soooo super pissed that i started blowing up. first time i did that over non-academics stuff. in the first place, i din start it. plus when someone insult you right in ur face, you will snap back right?

esp. when you got accused of smth you are not. i am not wat u said. i look beyond the surface. most people, who KNOW ME WELL, usually say i think too much rather than say i only look at the surface. aft so much i went through, i cant believe you said i was S**********. you never knew him. you never knew exactly wat happened. and u said those things w/o thinking abt how much it will hurt me.

yeah. so that's what i did. i snapped back. and i kinda expected a quarrel to take place. instead, i got an apology.... and nt only once, but twice. actually, more than that. so now im like thinking.. mb tt person din mean it.. just say it out w/o meaning to create so much impact. and.. i was thinking.. shld i apologise for snapping? argh. its making me feel so bad. rawr. i hate it!!! rawr. its like, it was quite offensive to me. but i still shld have kept my cool. argh. SHOULD I OR NOT?!?!