i always thought, if you hold on to ur dreams and never give up, ur dream will come true.. but i have come to realise they dun..

i rmb being in pri sch, where my head of discipline taught me to lead.. from then on, i told myelf, i must be like her, cuz i have the ability to.. and so i went to my sec sch brimming with hope.. council was my goal.. but 1st yr came and went.. apparently the tcher din feel i was ready.. and the 2nd yr came.. i finally had a chance to do wad i want.. but becoz of Nj, i chose to give tt up..

perhaps this is the price i have to pay.. to give up such good chances to join a completely new sch.. i lost all my chances.. i failed in NJ council, in Nj track and field 2005, and Nj track and field 2006..

am i destined to fail my whole journey in NJ? am i not supposed to achieve anything? wad did i do wrong? or rather wa did i not do right? perhaps it was just everything..

wad im glad is that ppl still care.. thanks teck kuan, for sounding me out on the phone.. and thanks JR, for being so concerned over me.. and thanks Abel, for consoling me..

but nothing can hide how upset i was.. all i noe was i was hoping.. but they crashed.. i can say "im fine".. i must say "im fine".. cuz i dowan to appear weak to others.. but i cant lie to myself.. cuz the reaction when i was alone, is the truest..

and when the results were out.. it not only confirmed one thing.. it confirmed 2.. this year i fialed to achieve.. and at that second.. i gave up..

gave up on myself this y for track.. it will be soul but no heart.. cuz i need to mend it..

and also because i broke it.. by smashing it on the ground.. cuz i rather i smash it myself, then to ait for you to break it.. i've decided to let it go.. cuz i dowan to waste my time thinking abt things tt will nv happen..

"you're but a passing cloud in my life"...